saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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