HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
