It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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