This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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