Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.