your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
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Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.