finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight