Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
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vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla