After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
where does the pee come out of this thing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome