Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.