Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
