He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
