This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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