My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
