After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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