Barsexuality is the new black.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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