there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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