Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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