i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
