ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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