True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am available for nakedness
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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