You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
