I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize