i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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