I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's like iHOP with fire
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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