did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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