I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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