i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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