I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
