Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.