Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.