Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
3pm strippers are depressing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight