NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
