he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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