Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
