One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes