It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.