Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.