...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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