Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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