she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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