There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
