I could make wine with my vomit
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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