Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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