i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.