i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember