nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
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whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.