Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in