Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016