we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
