Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
