Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
