May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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