i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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