college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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