It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
