I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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