Yo dont text me then not text me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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