Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm really busy with my period
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