I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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