he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
pray to the hookup gods
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