That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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Found the puke drawer
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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