Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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